“True connection lies not in the absence of challenges, but in our willingness to face them head-on, hand in hand. Solution Talk communication becomes the compass that guides us towards deeper understanding and profound growth.” -Dr. Tim Thayne, Founder of Trustyy
Now that we have a shared understanding of Problem Talk, we’re ready to explore Solution Talk. We’ll start by exploring the paradoxical nature of Solution Talk and its potential for strengthening relationships. Then, we’ll revisit the conversation between Sarah and her father, this time analyzing it through the lens of Solution Talk. Finally, we will introduce the Four Pillars of Solution Talk, which will serve as the foundation for implementing this approach in your family.
As we delve into the concept of Solution Talk, you may notice a fascinating paradox emerging within the dynamics of parent-teen relationships. Despite the challenges and conflicts that arise, these very obstacles can become opportunities for growth and deeper understanding when approached through Solution Talk. Rather than avoiding or suppressing problems, Solution Talk encourages parents and teens to address them openly and collaboratively. By engaging in positive dialogue, actively listening to each other’s perspectives, and working together to find resolutions, parents and teens not only tackle the issues at hand but also build trust, empathy, and a stronger sense of togetherness. This paradoxical process allows for the mending and fortification of the parent-teen relationship, fostering a more resilient and harmonious connection based on mutual respect and shared problem-solving.
Let’s revisit the conversation between Sarah and her father, this time examining it through the lens of Solution Talk:
In this scenario, a father receives a call from his high-school daughter’s teacher after she failed to turn in three math assignments and fell behind in an art project. The daughter, Sarah, had an existing history of bad school performance. When her father arrives at home, he finds Sarah watching T.V.
Listen to the Audio Version
Father: “Hey Sarah, how was your day?”
Sarah: “Fine.”
Father: “Do you have a minute? Your teacher Mr. Johnson called me today; I’d like to share with you our conversation.”
Sarah: “What did he say? Something about my art project I bet.”
Father: “Yeah, but he didn’t say what the project was; what are you working on?”
Sarah: “Oh, it’s a group project. I am supposed to paint pine trees on a banner, but the people who are suppose to paint the background barely started this week.”
Father: “Hmm, that sounds frustrating. I’ve had my share of group projects. And what about the math class?”
Sarah: “You know I hate math, at least I am going to the stupid class.”
Father: “Yeah, I am glad you are showing up. Are you guys still working on the pre-algebra stuff?”
Sarah: “Pre-algebra…, geometry…., I swear I will never use that stuff in real life anyway, so why does it matter?”
Father: “It kind of sounds like that stuff really doesn’t make sense, huh?”
Sarah: “Well, it wouldn’t make sense to you either if you had my math teacher. I don’t even think he speaks English in class.”
Father: “You know, this reminds me of the time when you struggled day after day to get your jump serve down in volleyball, do you remember that?”
Sarah: “What does that have to do with anything?”
Father: “Well, I just remember how frustrated you were. You would come home, and complain about how difficult it was, and that you would never get it. You almost quit the team because of that.”
Sarah: “Well, I didn’t, did I?”
Father: “Actually, you did quite the opposite. You went back to practice, and asked one of your teammates to work with you on your serve. If I recall this right, you worked together for about two weeks straight.” Sarah: “Yeah, and you should have seen the look on the coach’s face when I aced the first jump serve of the game against Richland High.”
Father: “Well, I wonder how you could use that experience to deal with math class.”
Sarah: “There is no way I am getting a tutor, if that’s what you’re thinking!”
Father: “So, is there anyone else around who might be able to assist you?”
Sarah: “I don’t know. Um….well….there is a boy, Scott, who is really good at math. He sits across from me, and he…”
Father: “And he is probably cute too, huh (laughter).”
Sarah: “Ah dad, come on.”
Father: “Ok, ok. You know, when I was in college, I liked this girl, so I asked her and her friend if they wanted to study with me for a final.”
Sarah: “Well, what did she say?”
Father: “Well, let’s just say I wouldn’t have passed my final if she had said ‘no.’”
Sarah: “I guess I could see if he could help me out.”
Father: “That sounds like a good idea. If that doesn’t work out or if there is anything I can do to help, let me know.”
Sarah: “Alright. Thanks Dad.”
In this conversation, both the father and Sarah engage in open and constructive dialogue, demonstrating the principles of Solution Talk. The father actively listens, shows empathy by sharing personal experiences, and encourages Sarah to find solutions on her own. Sarah, in turn, remains open to suggestions and shows a willingness to consider seeking help. Together, they engage in a collaborative problem-solving approach that fosters a stronger connection and understanding. Here is a full breakdown:
| Aspect | Father | Sarah |
|---|---|---|
| Communication style | Open and inviting | Brief and guarded |
| Emotional tone | Neutral and calm | Neutral and reserved |
| Active listening | Actively engages in the conversation | Provides concise responses |
| Empathy | Shows understanding and shares personal experiences | Remains reserved, but open to suggestions |
| Problem identification | Addresses concerns about the art project and math class | Expresses frustration with math and the teacher |
| Perspective | Acknowledges Sarah’s frustrations and relates them to personal experiences | Expresses skepticism about the relevance of math |
| Relationship building | Shares personal stories to establish common ground | Responds positively to the father’s anecdotes |
| Collaboration | Encourages Sarah to seek assistance from classmates | Considers the suggestion and mentions a classmate who might help |
| Support | Offers to assist if needed and shows willingness to help | Appreciates the support and expresses gratitude |
| Resolution | No specific solution proposed, but offers assistance if needed | Considers seeking help from the classmate and father if necessary |
The conversation is characterized by an open and collaborative communication style, where the father aims to understand Sarah’s perspective and offers support without dictating solutions. In this scenario, the relationship between the father and Sarah is strengthened, with both parties expressing appreciation for each other’s input and assistance.
Now that you have a deeper understanding of Solution Talk and its potential value in your family, it’s time to delve into the practical aspects of implementing this approach. Before we dive into implementation strategies, let’s explore the four pillars of Solution Talk. These pillars serve as the foundation for effective communication and problem-solving within the Solution Talk framework. By mastering these pillars, you’ll be better equipped to navigate challenging conversations and foster positive connections with your family members.
The four pillars of Solution Talk are:
Throughout the course, we will explore each pillar in depth, providing practical strategies and tools for incorporating Solution Talk into your daily interactions. By mastering these pillars, you’ll be equipped with the skills to address conflicts, find common ground, and strengthen your relationships.
In addition to the pillars, we will also cover the six steps to implementing Solution Talk, common pitfalls to be aware of and avoid, and final words of advice to help you navigate challenging situations effectively.
Remember, implementing Solution Talk is a journey that requires practice and patience. As you embark on this journey, keep an open mind, embrace the principles of Solution Talk, and be willing to adapt and grow. The next lessons will focus on each pillar in detail, providing you with valuable insights and strategies to apply Solution Talk in your family dynamics.