Dr. Tim Thayne Presents:
It’s always a battle to get enough work done so a mom can back down the driveway with a clear conscience. Even as I drive up the canyon and around the reservoir, I have to stamp down a mix of giggles and guilt. They’re doing their best to rise in me. I am on my way to a solo writing retreat.
I was supposed to have one of my adult children with me, but they came down sick the morning of. Nothing serious. But, I am secretly tickled that it’s too late to change my plans.
On the drive, the music and audiobooks stay unplayed. I know from past experience that silence must reign in these precious hours alone. I take a long breath and remind myself to slow down my daily sprint and instead just stroll through the next 48 hours.
I pull up to the cabin with a basket of food and tote bags full of books. With the furnace bumped up, the lamps lit, my boots kicked off, slippers slipped on, and a blanket-of- choice plucked from the stash . . . I set up my space.
Over the years I have learned that to get creative I require a block of back-to-back hours of solitude. In that blessed time and space, I find clarity and productivity like I rarely enjoy.
My mind drifts back in history when, as a 14-year-old girl, I had been one of the mass of spectators in London at the Beating Retreat military ceremony, overseen by Queen Elizabeth II. This celebration dates back to 1690 when the military was given orders to beat drums and parade through the streets to mark the end of a day of combat. The lowering of flags and the closing of gates signaled to the citizenry that it was time to rest.
What a concept. to preserve a great nation one has to occasionally retreat? interesting. Could it be that to preserve a family, a parent occasionally needs to do the same?
So often I succumb to the decades-old pressure to constantly set a good example for my children. It might be a number of virtues I am trying to model: tidiness, efficiency, productivity, or purpose. Unfortunately, it consistently results in wearing out everyone around me. I’ve bought into the fear that if I let my guard down, even for a minute, I’ll never get the troops back in line.
As a foot soldier in WWII, my grandfather marched his way through France. When we were young, he would tell the grandchildren that those troops would be so exhausted that as soon as the commanding officer would yell out permission to halt and rest, they’d be asleep before they hit the ground. Right there in line. Packs still on their backs.
As kids, we couldn’t believe it. As a mother, I totally believe it. On my retreat I don’t wash my dishes. I leave off the makeup and jewelry. I count a slow stretch or a walk to the creek as my day’s work-out. I block the urge to send off rapid replies to texts or email notifications from those who think they need me. I nap when my eyes droop and I lay there musing when they open again.
The inconsequential parts of life fall away. The important parts rise in my consciousness.
The speed of this life doesn’t show signs of slowing. Our grandmothers—and then our mothers—warned us: “Don’t wear yourselves out like we did. Rest.”
Perhaps it’s time I teach the next generation a few more things by example. I believe I’ll start with how to beat a retreat.
– Roxanne Thayne
Roxanne Thayne is learning that the world doesn’t need her to help it keep spinning. She’s happy to swap some pride for peace, control for comfort, and busyness for grandbabies. Read more from her at www.roxannethayne.com
Dr. Tim Thayne Presents:
Mike is one of those brilliant, self-taught, back end developers that you always hear about. As a youth he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what . . .” When he isn’t cranking out new code, Mike keeps up on the newest technologies and every Tuesday and Thursday nights he trains SpeedSoft with his team.
Rafael has his degree in Marketing and Advertising and years of experience with our dev team. As a teen he could trust that “The most important thing in life is love, and the most valuable things are our family and friends.” When he isn’t working on making the website and mobile versions of Trustyy seamless and functional, he unwinds by exploring nature. His favorite activities are climbing mountains, camping, going to the beach, swimming, playing the harmonica and always learning new things.
Afton’s experience is in marketing and bookkeeping. As a teen she could trust that with her parents “Feeding the horses and milking the cow each day before school–not after–was a must.” When she isn’t busy with keeping Trustyy’s lights on, you’ll usually find her baking up a new treat or working on a sewing project.
Nicoli has a degree in Multimedia Production. She has worked with our team of developers for three years. She learned to trust her own parents when they taught her “Things won’t come easy and that working hard will bring me great blessings!” When she isn’t putting together beautiful marketing pieces for the Trustyy App she likes to take pictures, play the guitar, piano, and drums, and meet up with her family to laugh over the silly things they did as kids.
Adriano is certified in Analysis and Systems Development. In his family he could trust the fact that “One difficult experience teaches me that failure is not the end, but rather an opportunity for growth and learning.” When he is away from his work in making sure the Trustyy App buttons and bells and whistles are working properly, he likes to go to the gym, to the beach to surf, on walks with his dog, or go out with his girlfriend.
Lucas’s work experience is in User Experience, Interface Design and Product Management. As a teen he could trust that “In my home honesty was highly valued and lying was not tolerated.” When he isn’t at work making sure the Trustyy App is easy on the eyes, Lucas likes hiking, gaming, going out for dinner, and spending time with family.
Cadu has his education in Analysis and System Development. While growing up he could always trust that “My parents would be there to support from playing soccer at the park to learning to ride a bike.” When he isn’t making sure things are easily navigated for our Trustyy App users, he likes to play beach soccer and enjoy music of any type, but specifically rock, country, R&B, and pop.
Mike is one of those brilliant, self-taught, back-end developers that you always hear about. As a youth he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what.” When he isn’t cranking out new code, Mike keeps up on the newest technologies and every Tuesday and Thursday nights he trains SpeedSoft with his team.
Roxanne received her bachelor’s degree in history and secondary education. She has worked in publishing and marketing for the past 14 years. In her family Roxanne says she could trust that “Her grammar and posture would be consistently corrected, to help her to become a lady.” When she isn’t busy writing and beautifying things for the Trustyy App, you can find her reading biographies, practicing yoga, or gathering the family to talk business, celebrate wins or just plain hang out.
Sidney has a bachelor’s degree in Web Development and has worked in technology for 16 years, building apps for the last 10 years. Growing up he could trust that “It was always expected that I would fix anything related to technology.” When he isn’t managing the development of the Trustyy App, you will find him spending time with his wife and kids. He loves to make Brazillian BBQ with his family.
Jim has a degree in Design and over 25 years of experience creating SaaS products and managing talented product and development teams. In his years at home as the oldest of five he could trust that “Each child got a weekly ‘night-up’ where we got to stay up late with a parent and do anything we wanted with them.” When he isn’t looking 10 miles down the road for what will come next on the Trustyy App, you will find Jim canyoneering, doing photography, watercolor painting, or keeping up on the latest gadgets and technologies.
Eric earned his degree in Communications, Public Relations and Advertising, then added on an MBA. He says he could trust that “His parents were honest people who kept their commitments–especially to their kids.” When Eric isn’t keeping everyone at Trustyy on task, he is an outdoor enthusiast, year around, rain or shine, cold or hot, with biking in the summer and skiing in the winter.
Tim earned masters and doctoral degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy, and has 30 years of experience working with families. While growing up Tim says he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what, and that my dad would require that I respect my mother.” When he isn’t busy guiding the vision for the Trustyy App, you can find Tim working around the house and yard, taking care of his sheep, dogs and horses, or enjoying a game of Corn Hole with the family.
