Connecting the Dots: The Power of Reflection

As a personal historian, I have the privilege of helping people recall and record their past. We sort through boxes of childhood photos and memorabilia, sift through the most important events in their courtship and marriage, piece together their circuitous career path, recall parenting highlights, and explore critical turning points. This excavation process helps them make sense of their lives.

Often the most poignant and vivid memories are from childhood—driving a tractor at age eight, growing up without running water, losing a parent during grade school, stirring up mischief with friends. Coming-of-age stories are a close second—a first love, the time that death felt imminent on the battlefield, the fear associated with changing careers, confronting a boss.

The most difficult part of the journey (and perhaps the most important)—is making connections. How did my parents’ loving marriage affect my own? How did my brother’s autism influence family dynamics? How has my short temper shaped my children’s lives?

Connecting the dots from the past to the present requires us to climb a mountain and take a look across the terrain of our lives. It requires attributing a cause, perhaps responsibility, to someone—often ourselves. This process can be tricky, open ended, and painful. Even so, tending to this work is the most important task we can do in our lives. Why? Because making these connections can identify successes, foster healing, and deepen relationships. It can also allow the next generation to gain insight about hurtful and helpful family patterns, giving them greater insight and control of their lives.

One of my clients, parented by a very stern, physically abusive father, was damaged and scarred. When he became a parent, he parented in a similar way—though without ever striking his children. It wasn’t until his children were out of the house that he saw the imprint of his father’s parenting on his own. The psychological injuries among the children were considerable and so was the anger. Thankfully, once he recognized his father in himself, the penitence and forgiveness began.

Another client was raised by loving deaf parents. His was a hard life with little money and even less guidance in school, social, and spiritual matters. Early on, this man recognized that it was the combination of financial deprivation and abundant love that made him the successful, compassionate person he is. Making that connection saved him from self-pity and gave him an opportunity to thank his parents—in time.

Identifying the power of the past on our present can feel imprisoning, but it need not. I am reminded of an aunt and nephew who got together one Thanksgiving. They bore the weight of three generations of alcoholism and they were among those affected.

Thanksgiving morning, after talking about the imprint they both carried, they decided together to break the cycle and supported each other in their difficult and ultimately successful journey to sobriety.

As I parented my teenage children, I was surprised to see that I was behaving like my maternal grandmother, who tried to wield control in her children’s and grandchildren’s lives in ways that had always made me uncomfortable. When I recognized my own impulse to take over, I not only better understood her behavior but also made a concerted effort not to do to my children what had so irritated me.

Making the connection helped me parent more effectively but it did not eliminate the desire to tell my children what to do. Like the aunt and her nephew, choosing to change doesn’t undo the pain of the past, but it lessens its influence and helps us to shape the future in a positive way.

Connecting the dots allows us not only to live our lives, but to author them—an act that enables us to interpret and direct them.

– Mary B Johnston

Mary B. Johnston lives in Charleston, South Carolina, where she works as a personal historian and editor, two professions that combine her love for people and language. Married to a marine biologist, mother to two daughters, and guardian to her dog Scout, Mary enjoys their company, yoga, reading, writing, and listening to NPR.

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Dr. Tim Thayne Presents:

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Mike Christian

Back-End Developer & DevOps​

Mike is one of those brilliant, self-taught, back end developers that you always hear about. As a youth he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what . . .” When he isn’t cranking out new code, Mike keeps up on the newest technologies and every Tuesday and Thursday nights he trains SpeedSoft with his team.

Rafael Pampoch

Web Developer

Rafael has his degree in Marketing and Advertising and years of experience with our dev team. As a teen he could trust that “The most important thing in life is love, and the most valuable things are our family and friends.” When he isn’t working on making the website and mobile versions of Trustyy seamless and functional, he unwinds by exploring nature. His favorite activities are climbing mountains, camping, going to the beach, swimming, playing the harmonica and always learning new things.

Afton Wilde

Accounting

Afton’s experience is in marketing and bookkeeping.  As a teen she could trust that with her parents “Feeding the horses and milking the cow each day before school–not after–was a must.”  When she isn’t busy with keeping Trustyy’s lights on, you’ll usually find her baking up a new treat or working on a sewing project.

Nicoli Cristini

Marketing Assistant

Nicoli has a degree in Multimedia Production.  She has worked with our team of developers for three years.  She learned to trust her own parents when they taught her “Things won’t come easy and that working hard will bring me great blessings!”  When she isn’t putting together beautiful marketing pieces for the Trustyy App she likes to take pictures, play the guitar, piano, and drums, and meet up with her family to laugh over the silly things they did as kids.

Adriano Rodrigues

Mobile Developer

Adriano is certified in Analysis and Systems Development.  In his family he could trust the fact that “One difficult experience teaches me that failure is not the end, but rather an opportunity for growth and learning.”  When he is away from his work in making sure the Trustyy App buttons and bells and whistles are working properly, he likes to go to the gym, to the beach to surf, on walks with his dog, or go out with his girlfriend.

Lucas Baumgart

Product Designer

Lucas’s work experience is in User Experience, Interface Design and Product Management. As a teen he could trust that “In my home honesty was highly valued and lying was not tolerated.”  When he isn’t at work making sure the Trustyy App is easy on the eyes, Lucas likes hiking, gaming, going out for dinner, and spending time with family.

Cadu Olivera

Front End Developer

Cadu has his education in Analysis and System Development.  While growing up he could always trust that “My parents would be there to support from playing soccer at the park to learning to ride a bike.”   When he isn’t making sure things are easily navigated for our Trustyy App users, he likes to play beach soccer and enjoy music of any type, but specifically rock, country, R&B, and pop.

Mike Curi

Back End Developer

Mike is one of those brilliant, self-taught, back-end developers that you always hear about. As a youth he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what.” When he isn’t cranking out new code, Mike keeps up on the newest technologies and every Tuesday and Thursday nights he trains SpeedSoft with his team. 

Roxanne Thayne

Co-Founder/Chief Marketing Officer

Roxanne received her bachelor’s degree in history and secondary education.  She has worked in publishing and marketing for the past 14 years.  In her family Roxanne says she could trust that “Her grammar and posture would be consistently corrected, to help her to become a lady.”  When she isn’t busy writing and beautifying things for the Trustyy App, you can find her reading biographies, practicing yoga, or gathering the family to talk business, celebrate wins or just plain hang out.

Sidney Rodrigues

Co-Founder/Chief Technology Officer

Sidney has a bachelor’s degree in Web Development and has worked in technology for 16 years, building apps for the last 10 years. Growing up he could trust that “It was always expected that I would fix anything related to technology.”  When he isn’t managing the development of the Trustyy App, you will find him spending time with his wife and kids. He loves to make Brazillian BBQ with his family.

Jim Lee

Co-Founder/Chief Product Officer

Jim has a degree in Design and over 25 years of experience creating SaaS products and managing talented product and development teams.  In his years at home as the oldest of five he could trust that “Each child got a weekly ‘night-up’ where we got to stay up late with a parent and do anything we wanted with them.”  When he isn’t looking 10 miles down the road for what will come next on the Trustyy App, you will find Jim canyoneering, doing photography, watercolor painting, or keeping up on the latest gadgets and technologies.

Eric Turner

Co-Founder/Chief Operations Officer

Eric earned his degree in Communications, Public Relations and Advertising, then added on an MBA.  He says he could trust that “His parents were honest people who kept their commitments–especially to their kids.”  When Eric isn’t keeping everyone at Trustyy on task, he is an outdoor enthusiast, year around, rain or shine, cold or hot, with biking in the summer and skiing in the winter.

Tim Thayne

Founder | Chief Executive Officer

Tim earned masters and doctoral degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy, and has 30 years of experience working with families.  While growing up Tim says he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what, and that my dad would require that I respect my mother.”  When he isn’t busy guiding the vision for the Trustyy App, you can find Tim working around the house and yard, taking care of his sheep, dogs and horses, or enjoying a game of Corn Hole with the family.