Family Activities

The younger children are, the easier it is for parents to organize family activities. As children get older they tend to favor spending time with friends over spending time with family. This is normal and expected. Still, despite what they say, teens like to do things with their families and it is important that they spend time with their families. The key is to be flexible and find the right activities for the right age group.

Activities do not need to be extravagant. They can vary in length from 15 minutes to hours. Some may be relatively involved and expensive (renting waverunners for an afternoon), while others may be simple and without cost (Monopoly). What you do is not as important as the fact that you are doing an activity together.

Benefits

Being together in a pleasurable activity provides the chance for smiles, winks, laughter, and just side-by-side relaxing. Although boundaries and expectations are still there, in a good family activity they won’t feel like the focus – having fun will be the main point. Talents, skills, and even funny quirks come up that are different from what the family usually sees day-to-day. As a result, family members see each other in a new light which, in turn, can reduce tension.

Getting Started

Option #1

• Hold a family meeting and talk about your desire to do more things together.
• Let your family know you want the activities to be fun so you are asking for their ideas.
• Brainstorm to make a list of as many ideas as the family can think of. The idea bank below can be used as a resource.
• After creating a list of ideas, discuss a goal for how often you would like to have an activity.
• Find a regular day of the week to carry on the tradition of having family activities (even if it is less than weekly – such as every other Monday). Some families find it more realistic to simply shoot for two activities per month (for example), rather than trying to establish a set day.

Option #2 (This option may be better for teens who may initially be resistant to the idea.)

• Pick a fun activity that you feel you and your family would enjoy.
• Tell the family you have a surprise and give them the date and time you want them to be available, and what they should wear or have ready to take.
• After the activity, talk about how much fun you had and throw out the idea of doing activities together more often.

Idea Bank

• Have a game night.
• Attend a local community event together.
• Go to a movie together or make popcorn and watch a movie together at home.
• Watch old family videos.
• Make a new family video.
• Do outdoor activities in your area (e.g., use hiking paths or bike trails).
• Play frisbee or disc golf at a park.
• Combine with another family to play an outdoor game such as Ultimate Frisbee or Bocce Ball.
• Do a sport together like skiing, bowling, or golfing.
• Go to a museum exhibit or an I-Max movie.
• Attend an outdoor play or concert.
• Invite another family over to have a barbeque or play games together.
• Work on family projects (home improvement, gardening, landscaping) and then go out for ice cream.
• Service opportunities (shoveling an elderly neighbor’s walk when it snows, pitching in on community service days, etc.).
• Go out to dinner.
• Go shopping.
• Work on a car together.
• Go to an amusement park.

See the section on Family Traditions for some other great ideas!

From the Coach’s Notebook

Teens like to tease and joke with parents, often to test the parent’s sense of humor. During family activities, it is best to play along and joke back with the teen. This isn’t the time to be controlling and rigid.

Don’t cancel activities based on your teen’s bad behavior. The activities don’t have to be earned, but are done to help the family enjoy and connect with each other.

Teens almost never want to cancel an activity with a friend to attend a spontaneously planned family activity. So set aside time for regular family activities, to help teens plan around them.
Get input from all family members on activities they would enjoy as a family. To minimize conflict and resistance try to make the family activities something all family members will at least tolerate if not enjoy.

Kids and teens are often more hurt by parents not following through on family plans than they will admit, so make the activities a priority. Your kids will recognize when you don’t follow through and may take that as justification to not follow through on their end.

Make family events a priority. If you tend to reschedule family events, your child will soon be arguing that if you can move a family event they should be able to as well, especially when an opportunity comes along to do something fun with a friend.

Be flexible. Not every activity will go as planned. If weather or a flat tire gets in the way, don’t get frustrated; have a few simple alternatives or reschedule.

Consider letting your teen or child plan and be in charge of the activity, or at least some aspect of it.

Mix it up: Do a father/daughter night, or a mother/son night, a girls’ night out, or ‘boys only’ event, etc. One on one time can send a clear message that you truly care about that child.

Schedule family activities in your family calendar to coordinate family schedules and to ensure everyone knows they are invited and/or expected to participate.

In a visible place, consider keeping a cork board or magnet board displaying pictures of family activities. This keeps memories alive and often casts family members in a fun light.