Dr. Tim Thayne Presents:
The first step to building your Home Team is identifying possible Home Team members. Once you have identified who to invite, you can then decide how to invite them. In this section, we provide suggestions on how to best accomplish both of these steps. The approach you take will depend on your family’s circumstances and preferences.
As you consider who you would like to have on your Home Team, here are a few suggestions. First, create a list of potential Home Team members. Second, think about the needs of each family member. And third, consider how your teen will feel about the individuals on your list. Let’s take a look at each of these suggestions in more detail.
Create a long list and then narrow it down
In short, this is a brainstorming exercise. And the first rule of brainstorming is to postpone evaluation until you are done brainstorming. The goal is simple – to identify as many people who are connected to your family as possible. To help you do this, you may wish to use your address book, cell phone directory, etc. Even individuals who live far away from you should be added to the list. A cousin that your teen has always looked up to but who lives in another state could be a great Home Team member, providing support and encouragement through phone calls, instant messaging, and the Family Bridge. Once your list is complete, it will likely include individuals from these categories:
Family
Friends of parents
Friends of children
Neighbors
Youth leaders
Coaches
Teachers
Co-workers
Parents of your teen’s friends
Once you have put together the long list, go back through the list and identify those individuals who stand out to you. As you try to decide who to include on your Home Team, you might find it helpful to think of the needs of each family member, including yourself. In general, these needs will tend to fall into one of three categories listed below. Do your best to identify Home Team members that can fulfill these needs for each family member.
Companionship: Someone who is enjoyable to be with or do things with.
Emotional support: A good listener who can provide encouragement, support, and motivation.
Instrumental support: Individuals who are in a position to provide for specific needs (e.g., rides, helping find employment) or to teach specific skills (e.g., vocational skills).
During a Home Team meeting a family friend from church invited our son to help coach a little league baseball team. He immediately agreed and went to his first practice the following Monday. The next day he went with his Grandpa and bought a mitt so he could be more involved. It was a simple request that said to him that he was important.
As you look over your list of potential Home Team members, ask yourself if there are individuals listed that your teen does not like. If so, it is probably best not to include them. Keep in mind, however, that the Home Team is not just for your teen, but for your family. Thus, you may choose to include people who your teen really doesn’t know all that well – at least not yet. Instead, they may be your close friends and confidantes.
It’s also a good idea to find out from your teen which people they like and respect – both youth and adults. As you might imagine, your teen is likely to suggest some friends who you might consider to have been a negative influence in the past. We encourage you to remember to apply the principles of Solution Talk in handling these conversations.
Deciding which of your teen’s friends to include on your Home Team is one of the more difficult decisions to make. Parents often feel a fair amount of ambivalence about the issue. And because the nuances of these situations can vary so much from one family to another, it is usually best to talk with a Homeward Bound transition coach about your specific circumstances. It’s actually one of many topics covered in our Transition Planning service.
As you go through the process of identifying Home Team members, you may find yourself having some reservations. While these reservations are normal, do not allow them to prevent you from creating a Home Team. Instead, be strong and work through your reservations. You’ll be glad you did. Listed below are some of the most common reservations along with some thoughts to help you overcome these reservations.
“I don’t want to impose on others.”
Remember: If one of your friends asked for help, you would likely feel honored that they trusted you enough to ask. So give them the opportunity to help. They can decide how much or how little they are able to do. Most people consider it a privilege to receive an invitation to be a Home Team member.
“I don’t want them to know about all of our problems.”
Remember: All families have problems. Most parents are relieved to know they aren’t the only ones having challenges. Besides, you can decide how little or how much you want to share. For example, your teen may not want to disclose all the details of his drug use, but he may feel comfortable letting them know he has used drugs but wants to stay clean and would like their help.
“I don’t know how to ask for help or what to even ask others to do.”
Remember: The information in this module will give you some great ideas for how to ask others for help and what to ask for.
The simplest and fastest way to invite someone to be a part of your home team is to use the Family Bridge. All you need is their name and email. We even provide you with some suggested text that goes out in an email to your Home Team member. The suggested text varies depending on whether the invitation is going to a family, friend, or professional. And, if you like, you can even change the message according to your preferences. When you are ready to do this, simply go to the My Team page and click on the “Invite New Member” button on the left side of your screen.
Before you add any Home Team members, we suggest you post your first Team Blog. Why is this helpful? Because the first thing each Home Team member sees when they log on to your Family Bridge portal is the Team Blog page. This gives you the perfect opportunity to share a message with them that will help them get a better understanding of what you are inviting them to be a part of and what they can do to help. When posting your first Blog, you might consider including:
Certainly, there may be some individuals that would be best to talk with before you add them to your Family Bridge team. And it is worth noting that not everyone checks their email regularly. And others tend to have filters that may send the Invitation email to their SPAM/Junk folder. So it’s probably a good idea to at least follow up the invitation with some form of contact.
Dr. Tim Thayne Presents:
Mike is one of those brilliant, self-taught, back end developers that you always hear about. As a youth he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what . . .” When he isn’t cranking out new code, Mike keeps up on the newest technologies and every Tuesday and Thursday nights he trains SpeedSoft with his team.
Rafael has his degree in Marketing and Advertising and years of experience with our dev team. As a teen he could trust that “The most important thing in life is love, and the most valuable things are our family and friends.” When he isn’t working on making the website and mobile versions of Trustyy seamless and functional, he unwinds by exploring nature. His favorite activities are climbing mountains, camping, going to the beach, swimming, playing the harmonica and always learning new things.
Afton’s experience is in marketing and bookkeeping. As a teen she could trust that with her parents “Feeding the horses and milking the cow each day before school–not after–was a must.” When she isn’t busy with keeping Trustyy’s lights on, you’ll usually find her baking up a new treat or working on a sewing project.
Nicoli has a degree in Multimedia Production. She has worked with our team of developers for three years. She learned to trust her own parents when they taught her “Things won’t come easy and that working hard will bring me great blessings!” When she isn’t putting together beautiful marketing pieces for the Trustyy App she likes to take pictures, play the guitar, piano, and drums, and meet up with her family to laugh over the silly things they did as kids.
Adriano is certified in Analysis and Systems Development. In his family he could trust the fact that “One difficult experience teaches me that failure is not the end, but rather an opportunity for growth and learning.” When he is away from his work in making sure the Trustyy App buttons and bells and whistles are working properly, he likes to go to the gym, to the beach to surf, on walks with his dog, or go out with his girlfriend.
Lucas’s work experience is in User Experience, Interface Design and Product Management. As a teen he could trust that “In my home honesty was highly valued and lying was not tolerated.” When he isn’t at work making sure the Trustyy App is easy on the eyes, Lucas likes hiking, gaming, going out for dinner, and spending time with family.
Cadu has his education in Analysis and System Development. While growing up he could always trust that “My parents would be there to support from playing soccer at the park to learning to ride a bike.” When he isn’t making sure things are easily navigated for our Trustyy App users, he likes to play beach soccer and enjoy music of any type, but specifically rock, country, R&B, and pop.
Mike is one of those brilliant, self-taught, back-end developers that you always hear about. As a youth he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what.” When he isn’t cranking out new code, Mike keeps up on the newest technologies and every Tuesday and Thursday nights he trains SpeedSoft with his team.
Roxanne received her bachelor’s degree in history and secondary education. She has worked in publishing and marketing for the past 14 years. In her family Roxanne says she could trust that “Her grammar and posture would be consistently corrected, to help her to become a lady.” When she isn’t busy writing and beautifying things for the Trustyy App, you can find her reading biographies, practicing yoga, or gathering the family to talk business, celebrate wins or just plain hang out.
Sidney has a bachelor’s degree in Web Development and has worked in technology for 16 years, building apps for the last 10 years. Growing up he could trust that “It was always expected that I would fix anything related to technology.” When he isn’t managing the development of the Trustyy App, you will find him spending time with his wife and kids. He loves to make Brazillian BBQ with his family.
Jim has a degree in Design and over 25 years of experience creating SaaS products and managing talented product and development teams. In his years at home as the oldest of five he could trust that “Each child got a weekly ‘night-up’ where we got to stay up late with a parent and do anything we wanted with them.” When he isn’t looking 10 miles down the road for what will come next on the Trustyy App, you will find Jim canyoneering, doing photography, watercolor painting, or keeping up on the latest gadgets and technologies.
Eric earned his degree in Communications, Public Relations and Advertising, then added on an MBA. He says he could trust that “His parents were honest people who kept their commitments–especially to their kids.” When Eric isn’t keeping everyone at Trustyy on task, he is an outdoor enthusiast, year around, rain or shine, cold or hot, with biking in the summer and skiing in the winter.
Tim earned masters and doctoral degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy, and has 30 years of experience working with families. While growing up Tim says he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what, and that my dad would require that I respect my mother.” When he isn’t busy guiding the vision for the Trustyy App, you can find Tim working around the house and yard, taking care of his sheep, dogs and horses, or enjoying a game of Corn Hole with the family.
