Dr. Tim Thayne Presents:
While I’m not overly expressive about it, my kids are always on my mind. Similarly, even though I’m over 50 years old, my mother still likes to know how I am doing and where I am.
Being a parent doesn’t go away when our children reach 18 years-old; it’s a lifetime calling. A few years ago, I took my kids with me on a team-building retreat for a women’s college basketball team. The setting was mountain biking in Moab, Utah. The trails in Moab are considered world-class and world-class trails come with obstacles and risk. The experience is life-changing, but one wrong move could result in a trip to the hospital.
Professionally speaking, I have used experiential educational models safely for years with other people’s children, but when it comes to my own children, I tend to be overprotective.
About four miles into our trail ride, we came to an obstacle where I stopped the group. I took the time to teach some advanced mountain biking skills, showed them how to ride through the obstacle successfully and invited anybody that wanted to walk their bike instead of riding it to do so. This group was a division one, women’s college basketball team. Their level of self-drive and competition was high. None of them walked their bikes.
One by one, I would stand there and coach them through the obstacle. “OK, keep your eyes up. Feel the bike flow under you—pedals parallel to the ground. Butts back, light pressure on both brakes. You got this!”
Several of them didn’t make it the first try and would return back up the hill to try it again. In some cases, a third and even fourth try was necessary. At one point, the first-aid kit came out to bandage up a skinned knee and elbow. These college athletes were laughing and loving the experience. Years later, they still talk about it.
And then, it was my daughter’s turn. She was much younger and I tried to invite her to walk her bike. She wasn’t having it as she wanted to try it too. My heart skipped a beat. I quietly tried to reason with her.
And then, as a father, I was taught a lesson. My daughter looked at me and said, “why don’t you believe in me?” Something inside of me said, “She’s right, it’s not like she is going to ride off a cliff or something.”
I stepped back. And, I went from a protective father who didn’t believe his daughter could work through a challenge to a coaching father who treated her just like I did the other college athletes. Three tries and a bandage later, she mastered the obstacle resulting in high-fives and cheers from the whole group!
This simple experience changed my perspective on parenting. Doing things for my kids, being overprotective, etc. is sending them a message that they can’t do things, when in reality our kids are resilient and will rise to the level of expectation and coaching that is put upon them. The bottom line is coaching and teaching work. Being overprotective doesn’t.
To this day, I stay up at night until the kids are home. I still check-in with my adult children regularly, just like my mom continues to check in with me.
But I’ve learned that I must believe in my kids and never send an accidental message that I don’t believe in them just because of my own fear. Never again will I have my kids feel like I don’t believe in them. Unless of course, they are about to go off a cliff.
– Randy Oakley
Randy Oakley and his wife Lara have six children. Randy is the founder of treatment programs for youth and young adults.
Dr. Tim Thayne Presents:
Mike is one of those brilliant, self-taught, back end developers that you always hear about. As a youth he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what . . .” When he isn’t cranking out new code, Mike keeps up on the newest technologies and every Tuesday and Thursday nights he trains SpeedSoft with his team.
Rafael has his degree in Marketing and Advertising and years of experience with our dev team. As a teen he could trust that “The most important thing in life is love, and the most valuable things are our family and friends.” When he isn’t working on making the website and mobile versions of Trustyy seamless and functional, he unwinds by exploring nature. His favorite activities are climbing mountains, camping, going to the beach, swimming, playing the harmonica and always learning new things.
Afton’s experience is in marketing and bookkeeping. As a teen she could trust that with her parents “Feeding the horses and milking the cow each day before school–not after–was a must.” When she isn’t busy with keeping Trustyy’s lights on, you’ll usually find her baking up a new treat or working on a sewing project.
Nicoli has a degree in Multimedia Production. She has worked with our team of developers for three years. She learned to trust her own parents when they taught her “Things won’t come easy and that working hard will bring me great blessings!” When she isn’t putting together beautiful marketing pieces for the Trustyy App she likes to take pictures, play the guitar, piano, and drums, and meet up with her family to laugh over the silly things they did as kids.
Adriano is certified in Analysis and Systems Development. In his family he could trust the fact that “One difficult experience teaches me that failure is not the end, but rather an opportunity for growth and learning.” When he is away from his work in making sure the Trustyy App buttons and bells and whistles are working properly, he likes to go to the gym, to the beach to surf, on walks with his dog, or go out with his girlfriend.
Lucas’s work experience is in User Experience, Interface Design and Product Management. As a teen he could trust that “In my home honesty was highly valued and lying was not tolerated.” When he isn’t at work making sure the Trustyy App is easy on the eyes, Lucas likes hiking, gaming, going out for dinner, and spending time with family.
Cadu has his education in Analysis and System Development. While growing up he could always trust that “My parents would be there to support from playing soccer at the park to learning to ride a bike.” When he isn’t making sure things are easily navigated for our Trustyy App users, he likes to play beach soccer and enjoy music of any type, but specifically rock, country, R&B, and pop.
Mike is one of those brilliant, self-taught, back-end developers that you always hear about. As a youth he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what.” When he isn’t cranking out new code, Mike keeps up on the newest technologies and every Tuesday and Thursday nights he trains SpeedSoft with his team.
Roxanne received her bachelor’s degree in history and secondary education. She has worked in publishing and marketing for the past 14 years. In her family Roxanne says she could trust that “Her grammar and posture would be consistently corrected, to help her to become a lady.” When she isn’t busy writing and beautifying things for the Trustyy App, you can find her reading biographies, practicing yoga, or gathering the family to talk business, celebrate wins or just plain hang out.
Sidney has a bachelor’s degree in Web Development and has worked in technology for 16 years, building apps for the last 10 years. Growing up he could trust that “It was always expected that I would fix anything related to technology.” When he isn’t managing the development of the Trustyy App, you will find him spending time with his wife and kids. He loves to make Brazillian BBQ with his family.
Jim has a degree in Design and over 25 years of experience creating SaaS products and managing talented product and development teams. In his years at home as the oldest of five he could trust that “Each child got a weekly ‘night-up’ where we got to stay up late with a parent and do anything we wanted with them.” When he isn’t looking 10 miles down the road for what will come next on the Trustyy App, you will find Jim canyoneering, doing photography, watercolor painting, or keeping up on the latest gadgets and technologies.
Eric earned his degree in Communications, Public Relations and Advertising, then added on an MBA. He says he could trust that “His parents were honest people who kept their commitments–especially to their kids.” When Eric isn’t keeping everyone at Trustyy on task, he is an outdoor enthusiast, year around, rain or shine, cold or hot, with biking in the summer and skiing in the winter.
Tim earned masters and doctoral degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy, and has 30 years of experience working with families. While growing up Tim says he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what, and that my dad would require that I respect my mother.” When he isn’t busy guiding the vision for the Trustyy App, you can find Tim working around the house and yard, taking care of his sheep, dogs and horses, or enjoying a game of Corn Hole with the family.
