Dr. Tim Thayne Presents:
Most parents who have struggled with difficult children have felt helpless and hopeless. When the situation requires outside professionals to help turn the tide of declining behavior, it is easy to feel that the professionals are the only way to get change.
While it is true that professionals can help to create change, it might mislead you to believe that you, as the parent, have lost your ability to influence your child. The truth is that you have a role that no one can replace. And because of that role, you are the most powerful agent of change in your child’s life.
You have the potential to be the strongest influence on their lives because of the (a) nature of your relationship with your children, (b) the amount of contact you have with your children, and (c) the ability you have to influence your children’s environment.
One teen appeared to have been involved in something inappropriate. The parents’ first thought was that the teen was back to old patterns, and they became hopeless. They felt like being reactionary, as they had done in the past.
As they calmed down, they recognized there were other ways to handle the situation. They discussed the situation with the teen in a calm manner and he was respectful in return. The parents recognized that their ability to manage difficult behaviors in a positive way invited their son to respond well. They realized that they could be powerful agents of change just by the way they approached difficult situations.
Recognizing that you are the most powerful agent of change in your child’s life will influence the way you work with family professionals. Rather than looking to them to fix your child, you will look to them as a resource to assist you in helping your child. If you have been uninvolved in therapy sessions, you will ask the therapist how you might be included in helpful ways. Instead of simply “downloading” information to the professionals in hopes that they will do something to change your son or daughter, you will find yourself wanting to “upload” suggestions from your program therapist and your transition coach regarding suggestions and ideas you might be able to implement which will make a difference in your family.
Finally, the reality that parents are the most powerful agent of change emphasizes the importance of parents learning and implementing the core parenting principles.
We have found that when parents grasp these principles and become effective at implementing them, they feel empowered and experience a sense of peace knowing that they are doing their part to maximize the potential for their children to grow into mature and healthy adults.
In your efforts to create change, be careful not to evaluate your efforts too soon. Remember, that it takes time to undo some family patterns. When you make a change or try and new approach, do not judge its effectiveness immediately. Remember, consistency is the one ingredient required in all recipes for change!
In some ways, your influence as a parent will not be noticed or acknowledged until years after your children are grown and on their own. So often, this recognition comes when your children become parents themselves. If nothing else, when you feel like giving up, remind yourself that you are raising the parent of your own grandchildren. Remind yourself, “What I do now will help my child know what to do when his child acts like this. So how do I want my child to treat my grandchild?”
Dr. Tim Thayne Presents:
Mike is one of those brilliant, self-taught, back end developers that you always hear about. As a youth he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what . . .” When he isn’t cranking out new code, Mike keeps up on the newest technologies and every Tuesday and Thursday nights he trains SpeedSoft with his team.
Rafael has his degree in Marketing and Advertising and years of experience with our dev team. As a teen he could trust that “The most important thing in life is love, and the most valuable things are our family and friends.” When he isn’t working on making the website and mobile versions of Trustyy seamless and functional, he unwinds by exploring nature. His favorite activities are climbing mountains, camping, going to the beach, swimming, playing the harmonica and always learning new things.
Afton’s experience is in marketing and bookkeeping. As a teen she could trust that with her parents “Feeding the horses and milking the cow each day before school–not after–was a must.” When she isn’t busy with keeping Trustyy’s lights on, you’ll usually find her baking up a new treat or working on a sewing project.
Nicoli has a degree in Multimedia Production. She has worked with our team of developers for three years. She learned to trust her own parents when they taught her “Things won’t come easy and that working hard will bring me great blessings!” When she isn’t putting together beautiful marketing pieces for the Trustyy App she likes to take pictures, play the guitar, piano, and drums, and meet up with her family to laugh over the silly things they did as kids.
Adriano is certified in Analysis and Systems Development. In his family he could trust the fact that “One difficult experience teaches me that failure is not the end, but rather an opportunity for growth and learning.” When he is away from his work in making sure the Trustyy App buttons and bells and whistles are working properly, he likes to go to the gym, to the beach to surf, on walks with his dog, or go out with his girlfriend.
Lucas’s work experience is in User Experience, Interface Design and Product Management. As a teen he could trust that “In my home honesty was highly valued and lying was not tolerated.” When he isn’t at work making sure the Trustyy App is easy on the eyes, Lucas likes hiking, gaming, going out for dinner, and spending time with family.
Cadu has his education in Analysis and System Development. While growing up he could always trust that “My parents would be there to support from playing soccer at the park to learning to ride a bike.” When he isn’t making sure things are easily navigated for our Trustyy App users, he likes to play beach soccer and enjoy music of any type, but specifically rock, country, R&B, and pop.
Mike is one of those brilliant, self-taught, back-end developers that you always hear about. As a youth he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what.” When he isn’t cranking out new code, Mike keeps up on the newest technologies and every Tuesday and Thursday nights he trains SpeedSoft with his team.
Roxanne received her bachelor’s degree in history and secondary education. She has worked in publishing and marketing for the past 14 years. In her family Roxanne says she could trust that “Her grammar and posture would be consistently corrected, to help her to become a lady.” When she isn’t busy writing and beautifying things for the Trustyy App, you can find her reading biographies, practicing yoga, or gathering the family to talk business, celebrate wins or just plain hang out.
Sidney has a bachelor’s degree in Web Development and has worked in technology for 16 years, building apps for the last 10 years. Growing up he could trust that “It was always expected that I would fix anything related to technology.” When he isn’t managing the development of the Trustyy App, you will find him spending time with his wife and kids. He loves to make Brazillian BBQ with his family.
Jim has a degree in Design and over 25 years of experience creating SaaS products and managing talented product and development teams. In his years at home as the oldest of five he could trust that “Each child got a weekly ‘night-up’ where we got to stay up late with a parent and do anything we wanted with them.” When he isn’t looking 10 miles down the road for what will come next on the Trustyy App, you will find Jim canyoneering, doing photography, watercolor painting, or keeping up on the latest gadgets and technologies.
Eric earned his degree in Communications, Public Relations and Advertising, then added on an MBA. He says he could trust that “His parents were honest people who kept their commitments–especially to their kids.” When Eric isn’t keeping everyone at Trustyy on task, he is an outdoor enthusiast, year around, rain or shine, cold or hot, with biking in the summer and skiing in the winter.
Tim earned masters and doctoral degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy, and has 30 years of experience working with families. While growing up Tim says he could trust that “My mother would love me no matter what, and that my dad would require that I respect my mother.” When he isn’t busy guiding the vision for the Trustyy App, you can find Tim working around the house and yard, taking care of his sheep, dogs and horses, or enjoying a game of Corn Hole with the family.
