Parenting is a challenging and rewarding role that requires a lot of skills, knowledge, and intention. One of the key aspects of parenting is leadership, which is essential to creating healthy and happy families. But what does parental leadership mean and how can parents develop and exercise it effectively?
In this blog post, we will explore some of the ideas and insights from Dr. Tim Thayne, a family therapist, author, and host of the Not By Chance podcast. Dr. Thayne has over 30 years of experience working with families and helping them overcome various challenges and achieve their goals. He believes that families can succeed and thrive Not by Chance, but by choice and design.
Parental leadership is the ability to guide, influence, and inspire your family members to follow a shared vision and values. It involves setting clear expectations, boundaries, and consequences, as well as communicating, listening, and connecting with your children and co-parent. It also requires managing your own emotions, thoughts, and actions, and being aware of how they affect your family dynamics.
Dr. Thayne emphasizes that parental leadership is not about control, coercion, or manipulation, but about creating a positive and supportive family culture that fosters growth, learning, and happiness.
Some of the common challenges and pitfalls that parents face when trying to exercise their leadership role are:
Being undermined or divided by their co-parent or their children
Losing their influence or authority due to emotional outbursts, guilt trips, threats, or silent treatment from their children
Struggling to let go or adjust their leadership style as their children grow and mature
Feeling overwhelmed, uninspired, or guilty about their parenting performance
Dr. Thayne also offers some practical tips and strategies to help parents overcome these challenges and improve their leadership skills, such as:
Working as a team with their co-parent and finding ways to align and support each other
Recognizing and resisting the attempts of their children to flip or disrupt the family hierarchy
Taking responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings, and actions, and being intentional about what they bring to their interactions with their family members
Developing communication skills that are respectful, responsible, and active
Seeking help and education from other sources, such as books, podcasts, or coaches
He concludes by encouraging parents to find at least one thing from his podcast or the strategies listed above that they can do differently to enhance their parental leadership. Then commit to sharing it with someone you trust, or even by writing to him personally at Tim@Trustyy.com. He reminds parents:
We can’t do it all at once, but we can do something today.
If you are interested in learning more about parental leadership and other topics related to intentional families, tune in to the Not By Chance podcast on various platforms, such as Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
What if you could read your teen’s thoughts about themselves? Would their story of their worth match yours about them? Dr. Thayne talks about how the stories we choose to tell ourselves can lead to vastly different outcomes, ranging from destructive to a springboard for success.
“As we get stronger, our family gets stronger.” In today’s episode, Dr. Thayne introduces listeners to Casie Fariello, the CEO of “Other Parents Like Me,” a virtual membership platform that went live in January of 2022. Casie retired from United Airlines after 26 years in December of 2022 to follow her passion to co-found the program after creating parent support groups at Balance Continuum of Care in Arizona in 2020 and is a Parent Coach and Facilitator for The Partnership to End Addiction.
In this episode of the Not By Chance Podcast, they discuss the fact that parents all deal with similar issues around good communication, setting boundaries, self-care and self-regulation. While it’s easy to judge or compare your situation to others, it’s imperative to find common ground with others through a journey of curiosity, change and discovery.
Before you became a parent, could you have imagined the nature, range, and intensity of feelings you would experience in this role? Family photo collections recall joy, pride, excitement, fascination, love. On the other hand there are unpleasant feelings like frustration, anxiety, guilt, inadequacy, fear, and anger. Such a variety of emotional experience naturally comes with being a parent.
Learning to manage emotions is a lifelong process and is especially important in parenting. Problems occur when feelings overwhelm us or interfere with the role of reason. Consider these examples:
Elise and Joe set what they believed were appropriate rules and consequences for their daughter, Amber. One weekend Joe left town for a business trip. While he was gone Amber asked to do something that was against the rules. Elise held the boundary and Amber began to complain. She told her mom “This is ridiculous”, and “you are so stupid.” Amber didn’t stop there, but continued to push. Elise began to feel anxious and conflicted. She began to question herself on the decision she and her husband had made. Before long she gave in to the pressure and allowed Amber to have her way.
Kim had a great connection with her daughter, Liz, during the early teen years. They would do everything together. But as she grew older, Liz felt smothered by all of the attention that her mom was giving her and began to distance herself. Kim felt so rejected that she began to struggle with depression. After each argument with her daughter, she would shut herself in her room for the rest of the day, just lying on her bed in the dark.
A set of parents and grandparents who had joint custody of a teen were sitting together discussing possible consequences for Crystal who had broken a clearly stated family rule. As they began to talk they became more anxious about what the behavior meant and what future problems might arise. Soon, they began to feed off each other’s anxiety and before long they had identified and laid out a severe consequence for a minor infraction, leaving Crystal feeling powerless to earn their trust back.
Each of these stories has a common theme–the parent’s decisions and behavior were powerfully influenced by their emotions. As a result, their decisions unintentionally contributed to the problems they were having with their teen.
This lesson is an invitation to strengthen your ability to manage emotions, particularly as it relates to parenting. Managing your emotions includes the ability to recognize, respond to, and influence one’s own emotions.
One key is to understand the interplay between our thoughts, emotions, and behavior.
In this process, our thoughts play a pivotal role. These may be thoughts we do not even realize we have. They are often silently rehearsed in our minds, such as “I can’t believe what a lazy kid he is!” We may not even be aware of many of our thoughts, beliefs, and interpretations; yet they powerfully influence what we feel and do.
Self-mastery of our emotions is not easy, but even a small effort can make an important difference. Doing so will help you deal with the ups and downs of parenting, stay calm during difficult moments, and make better decisions.
To enhance your ability to manage your emotions, future lessons will teach how to:
Strengthen your sense of self
Learn to self-soothe
Avoid “catching” contagious negative emotions from others
An important part of learning to manage your emotions is to maintain a clear sense of self. A sense of self could be defined as an awareness and confidence in your values, beliefs, and practices. We focus here on having a clear sense of self as a parent.
When you are confident about your parenting, you are able to make good decisions and stand by them, even when a teen is pressuring you to agree to something that’s against your better judgment.
The story of Elise and her daughter Amber (mentioned in the article “Managing Your Own Emotions”) illustrates a common pattern in families. Amber pushed to get what she wanted and criticized her mom. Elise’s confidence in her parenting began to slip. Because of this, she changed her mind and gave in to her daughter’s pressure. By so doing, Elise allowed her doubts about herself as a parent to guide her behavior. In fact, her doubts were powerful enough to override a decision she and her husband had made previously, a decision that was based on solid parenting principles.
Take a few minutes to think of any instances where you might have backed down or changed your opinion against your better judgment because your teen pressured you to do so. What thoughts and emotions led you to change your mind?
How can you increase your confidence by strengthening your sense of self? Below we will show four ways.
1. Recognize that you are defined by your actions, not your children’s.
“After more than a year of dealing with our son’s issues with drugs, I felt like such a failure as a mother. One day, I was attending a required class for parents whose teens were in legal trouble due to drugs. As I took my seat and looked around the room, I found myself growing more and more uncomfortable. The embarrassment remained with me through the entire session as I wondered what others thought of me.
Then something happened that changed me. As I was walking out of the class, I had the following thought, “If I make this about me, I’ll never be able to help him (my son).” From that moment on, I started to see things differently. Instead of focusing on my feelings of being a failure as a mother, I began to have a sincere desire to support and love him. The less I thought about myself, the more my feelings of being a failure slipped away. This change of perception allowed me to see my son differently. I no longer blamed him for my feelings of failure. Not only did I see him differently, but I treated him differently because I didn’t need to change him in order to feel good about myself.
I became more patient, more understanding, and more loving toward him. Our relationship changed and as a result, he began to change as well. It is now one year later and he is free of drugs, for which I am extremely grateful. But I am equally grateful for my own discovery which freed me from my own bondage.”
As you move forward, choosing to follow solid parenting principles, you can trust that you are doing your best to invite your children to make good choices. Someone once said, “The outcome of parenting isn’t children, it’s parents.” In other words, your actions as a parent determine only one thing, the type of parent you are. What your children become is ultimately a function of their own choices and is only influenced (not determined) by your parenting. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your children will choose to act in ways that are contrary to what you have taught them. Though frustrating, this is a part of normal adolescent development.
Unfortunately, in their efforts to sidestep this reality, some parents go beyond teaching, setting expectations and holding their children accountable. They use pressure to try to control their teen’s decisions, an approach that may have some initial success but almost always backfires in the end. This style of parenting is often driven by the following belief: “If my teen makes mistakes or poor choices it makes me a bad parent.” To such parents we extend the following invitation: Remove the ‘happiness thermometer’ out of your teen and put it in yourself.
As one parent cleverly put it, “I don’t get credit for their good choices, I’m sure as heck not going to take credit for their bad ones!”
We acknowledge that parents of a struggling teen often feel looked down upon by some in their extended families and social circles. They worry about gossip and loss of esteem in the eyes of others. These hurts can be real. One way to help heal them is to increasingly learn to derive our self-esteem and sense of worth from how congruent our actions are with our own values and beliefs, not from what others think of us. This is easier said than done, but it can be one of our ongoing goals through adulthood.
“Happiness does not depend on what happens outside of you, but on what happens inside of you. It is measured by the spirit with which you meet the problems of life.” – Harold B. Lee
One parent of a difficult teen said the most helpful thing she learned was to focus on herself. As she did things to make herself a better person/parent, she felt she was able to let go and allow her son to make choices for himself. Even when her son was making poor decisions she realized that they were his decisions and he had to be accountable to himself and not blame his mother. She commented that learning how to do that brought her a deep sense of relief.
2. Recognize that it’s not necessary for your children to be happy with you all the time.
When it comes to decision-making, there tends to be two types of people. The first group tends to make decisions primarily based on what seems logical, trying to look at things from an objective perspective. The second group focuses more on what they feel is important to them and others involved; they will often try to understand how the other person would feel about the decision and how it would impact them.
Both groups have their strengths and challenges. Those that tend to place value in how their decisions will affect others can easily become overly concerned with what others think and feel about them. For parents, this can create emotional stress.
In the story of Elise and her daughter mentioned above, Elise and her husband had made a decision they felt good about. However, when her daughter began to complain about the decision, Elise began to feel conflicted and question the decision they had made. As pressure from her daughter increased, she likely began to experience some of the following thoughts: “If my daughter is so upset, maybe we didn’t make the right decision.” “What kind of mom am I if my daughter hates me?” “I just want her to be happy with me.” As you can see, these thoughts undermined Elise’s confidence and eventually led her to retract the joint decision that she and Amber’s father had made.
Will Elise’s decision to give in to her daughter increase or decrease the odds that her daughter will be happy with her in the future?
How will Elise’s decision affect her relationship with her husband?
What other thoughts could Elise have had that would have made it easier for her not to give in to her daughter?
There is not a good parent on this planet who has not experienced a child who is unhappy with them. Ironically, the first time your toddler says, “I hate you,” it’s most likely because you have simply told them they can’t do something they want to do. In that moment, it would be good if every parent would say in their head, “That means I must be doing something right.”
Although an unhappy toddler is not pleasant, an unhappy teenager can be even more unpleasant. And though a toddler may say, “I hate you,” one moment and then ten minutes later be giving you hugs, a teenager tends to hold onto their emotions for longer. So if you are in the unfortunate circumstances of having a teenager who did not learn as a toddler to accept “no” for an answer or to handle their frustrations, you will need to help them learn this lesson now. The good news is that it’s still a lesson they can learn; the bad news is that it comes at a higher price.
3. Realize that mistakes don’t make you a bad parent.
Some parents can easily find themselves feeling guilty for something that they may have done wrong or failed to do in the past. Teens who have guilt-prone parents tend to see this tendency and try to use it to their advantage in an unhealthy way.
One teen and her mother had developed this pattern in their relationship. There were many factors that led to this dynamic, including the teen having experienced some abuse early in her life. Her mother felt guilty for not protecting her, and as her daughter grew her mother often attempted to help her by rescuing her from any challenges she might have to face and by purchasing elaborate gifts when her daughter seemed to be down. She generally tried to make up for her daughter’s past by becoming lenient and overindulgent.
By the time the teen was in high school she exhibited behaviors that were dangerous, and began to actively demand things of her mother (a car, no curfew, etc.) putting her demands in the context that if she didn’t have everything she wanted, her mother would be guilty of not making life good for her. She said things like “None of my friends have curfews. If you make me come home by midnight it will ruin my social life.” Or, after a difficult event at school, or the right boy not asking the teen out, the teen would turn to her mother with statements like, “If you’d bought me the right outfit, he would have asked me to go with him!” or, “If you’d just bought me a car, I wouldn’t have to ever be late to school.” For the most part, this tactic worked for the teen and built a culture between them of expensive things being purchased to “make up” for what the girl felt were injustices.
The parents made the difficult decision to send their daughter to treatment. While at treatment, this interpersonal dynamic continued. The mother, missing her daughter and feeling guilty for having had to send her to treatment, would send elaborate packages.
When the teen completed her program and returned home, her parents were pleased to have her back, pleased with the changes she’d made. Yet, since there is almost a gravitational pull to fall into old coping mechanisms, very quickly their teen began once again to try to use her guilt-prone mother to her advantage. She began by telling her mother how much she’d missed her while in treatment, and began to bemoan all she’d missed because her mother had “sent her away.” She began to demand things again and blame her mother for difficulties in her life. It was a struggle for her mother. Initially she wanted to fall into the old pattern of wanting to rescue her daughter from challenges, and try to make up for all the things she’d supposedly deprived her daughter of by sending her to treatment. The teen saw this, and used it well, being direct enough to say the phrase, “You owe me for having sent me away.”
With the help of their coach, the mother began to overcome this deeply ingrained pattern. Awareness of this dynamic was the first step. The second was learning to recognize that her daughter needed to confront these challenges on her own to learn and grow. It was difficult and surprising for the daughter when her parents began to hold her accountable, began to build a different relationship with her that was based on their love and caring and hopes for her future instead of rescuing her and buying her “things.” There was a process for the mother of letting go of guilt, acknowledging the mistakes she might have made, apologizing when necessary (including an apology to her daughter for having indulged her so much), and then moving forward with direction and purpose.
Most parents experience some feelings of guilt as they realize mistakes they have made. When guilt inspires us to do better, it can be healthy. When it leaves us feeling undeserving of respect, it can significantly interfere with our ability to parent.
One mother realized that she had spent most of her time and energy on her youngest son, not giving much attention to her oldest son who seemed to be doing well. To her dismay, she found some marijuana with a pipe in her older son’s truck. The more she thought about it, the more guilty she felt believing that it was her lack of attention towards him that led to the drug use. As she talked to her coach, she was able to work through the guilt she was feeling. As a result, she felt better prepared to talk with her oldest son in a confident manner. Had she not managed her emotions first, she may have sent messages allowing him to think she was responsible for the drug use.
Remember, don’t let a past parenting mistake leave you feeling like you can’t change how you do things today. For example, if you over-indulged your oldest child with money and gifts, don’t feel you have to make the same mistake with your second child just to keep things even. Although your second child won’t see it this way at first, he will be the one getting more. In short, your children will not be well served if you abandon good parenting principles because you feel guilty.
Knowing that you have made a mistake as a parent can also create fear that your actions have set in motion significant problems, for example fear that your teen won’t graduate and go to college, fear that he will do something reckless and get hurt, or fear that he will never learn to be responsible. This fear can lead you to go to the other extreme to become too permissive if you have previously been controlling, too rigid if you have been overly flexible in the past, etc. Think how dangerous it is to overcorrect in order to rectify your course while driving a car. Similarly, this type of overcorrecting in parenting is usually reactive and can be even more problematic than the first mistake. The best way to correct a mistake is to learn a better way and then apply it with consistency. Over time, this will create the best chance that your teen will respond favorably to your changes in parenting.
Yes, all parents make mistakes and these mistakes do influence our children. But, as with most endeavors, true failure as a parent is only possible if you give up. Each moment presents new opportunities for doing things differently. If you have identified past mistakes, begin today to do things differently. Choosing to forgive yourself for past mistakes is essential to being able to look forward. Those who grow up on the farm quickly learn that it is impossible to plow a straight line if you are always looking back.
4. Learn and apply solid parenting principles.
Confidence comes from living by tried and true parenting principles that have been shown to contribute to positive outcomes in children. When parents don’t have a clear sense of values and beliefs to guide them, their teens are more easily able to pressure them into decisions that aren’t really wise. As a result, teens gain more power in the family than what is good for them to have.
The Parenting Principles offered in this library are a great way to begin building confidence as a parent. Remember that as you work to apply these principles, you will inevitably make mistakes. When this happens, correct your mistakes and move forward. In addition, your teen will likely push back in hopes that you will give up. In such moments, put your trust in the principles, move forward, and give them time to work.
One family had developed a pattern where the parents would give in to their son when he complained after not getting his way. For example, the family had planned a trip to the beach but the teen wanted to go snow skiing instead. After the teen sulked and threw a fit, the parents gave in to their son’s demands and went skiing. As they learned the parenting principles they came to a better understanding of the importance of clear expectations and rules, parental unity, and the power that they had as agents of change in their son’s life. Initially, the son’s behavior worsened as they learned to hold to their boundaries, but with time things improved. They developed a better sense of what type of parents they wanted to be and as a result were able to parent with confidence.
Ask Yourself:
In the past, what criteria have you used to evaluate yourself as a parent? What criteria would you like to use in the future?
Are there mistakes in your past you could let go of?
What parenting principles can you grab hold of in your efforts to move forward instead of looking back?
Sources: 1) The information on decision-making and personalities comes from the authors of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. For more information, visitwww.myersbriggs.org.
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Back in 2020 when the world went on pause, we saw a massive decrease in structure. Schedules were wiped clean of any obligations, games, practices, and extracurriculars in general, leaving wide open spaces on many calendars. For some, it was relaxing at first. It was a reason to step back and take inventory of what was important and what could take a backseat. However, as time went on, it became apparent that too much free time was detrimental for many people, whether socially, mentally, emotionally, or physically.
People with children in school see this phenomenon on a smaller scale as well during winter breaks, spring breaks, and summer breaks. Without structure, kids can get restless and unproductive, which often leads them to act out in ways they wouldn’t have otherwise. On the other hand, too much structure can be detrimental as well. When kids’ schedules are too rigid, there is no room for creativity, hobbies, or self-expression. Finding a balance of structure is one of the best things you can do as a parent.
Structured family time is a great way to grow closer as a family and learn more about one another. If you feel like you need more structure in your home and you’re not sure where to start, use these three tips to start structuring your family time and maximizing it to your advantage.
1. Schedule Family Time and Free Time
Whether you consider yourself a “go with the flow” type of person or a planner, keeping a loose schedule can help you structure your life as well as your kids’ lives. Kids thrive with schedules and structure, so this will benefit them as well. Schedule out your family time and free time so your kids know when it’s happening. This will help in more ways than one—first off, they won’t be surprised when you announce that you’re having a family night right after they make plans with their friends.
Second, if they know when family time is happening, they will be less likely to try getting out of it because they knew in advance that it was on their schedule. In general, they’ll be happier about the family time because they will be expecting it. There are exceptions to this, especially with teenagers, but your efforts will be worthwhile and leave a lasting positive impact.
In addition, scheduling free time will give your kids the opportunity to do the things they find interesting. They can use this time to be with friends, develop a talent, participate in a hobby, or do something creative. Or, if they’ve had a long couple of days, they can take this time to unwind. Having structured free time will give them a sense of freedom while encouraging productivity.
2. Plan Activities Everyone Enjoys
If you have multiple kids, chances are they don’t have all the same hobbies or interests. This is one reason many families shy away from structured family time. No one wants to do the same thing, everyone complains, and it becomes easier to let everyone be on their own. However, if you plan out your family time correctly, differing hobbies and interests can actually be a huge benefit.
Your family time doesn’t always have to surround an activity—it can simply be a meal together around the table, a family game night, or a movie night. If you do want to plan some activities, planning them around your kids’ interests is a fun way to bring everyone together and learn more about one another. If one child is into painting, have a family painting night. If your other child is into baseball, have a family baseball game the next week. Taking turns trying out each others’ hobbies is a fun way to bond and learn new things.
3. Start a Google Calendar
If you don’t have a family Google Calendar, now is the time to start one. Especially with the new year approaching. Each family member can have a designated color, and you can put everyone’s activities, meetings, commitments, and obligations in one place. That way, you can see when everyone is free and physically schedule in your family time and free time. Everyone can see it, it’s easy to use, and no one will question what’s happening and when.
If you have older children, create a Gmail account for them and allow them access to the full calendar as well. This will give them a sense of responsibility, and it will be helpful for them to see the full schedule with their busy lives. If you have small children who don’t know how to read yet, both parents having access to a Google Calendar is a great way to stay on the same page and stay organized.
If you like these tips and want to learn more about structuring your family time, you can listen to the Not By Chance podcast with Tim Thayne. This episode has many more tips on how to make the most out of your family time and become stronger than ever.
Traditionally the holiday season is about peace and joy, but if you’re a parent, you know how difficult it can be to keep a peaceful feeling in your home. This is especially difficult when there is existing tension in family relationships or during stressful times.
As you reflect on this topic, a feeling of peace in your home may seem out of reach for your family. I would encourage you to first, keep in mind that perfection is not possible and will only result in frustration for everyone involved. Instead, focus on making small changes, developing consistency, and celebrating signs of improvement.
Here are a few steps you can take that will contribute to an overall feeling of peace in your home. A shift in perspective, increased connection, self-care, or greater understanding may be all you need to get things moving in the right direction.
Check-in with Yourself First
Before you can promote peace in your home, it’s important that you check-in with yourself first. If you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, it’s going to be difficult—if not impossible—to maintain a sense of peace within your home. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself both physically and emotionally so you can show up for your family in the best way possible. This means getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and spending time doing things that bring you joy outside of parenting.
Communicate with Your Co-Parent
When it comes to keeping the peace between you and your co-parent, communication is key. If you’re feeling stressed about the upcoming holidays, talk to your co-parent about it. See if there are any areas where you can lighten each other’s load or come up with a plan that will work for both of you. The more you communicate, the easier it will be to find a solution that works for everyone.
Find Ways to Relax and De-Stress
There are plenty of ways to relax and de-stress, so find what works best for you and make time for it—especially during the holiday season. This could mean taking a yoga class, going for a walk outdoors, reading a book, taking a bath, listening to calm music, or anything else that helps you relax and recharge.
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
During the holidays, it’s easy to get caught up in the little things and lose sight of what’s really important. If something doesn’t go according to plan, don’t sweat it. The most important thing is that you’re all spending time together and making memories.
Be Present with Your Family
One of the best ways to keep the peace in your home is to be present with your family when you’re together. This means putting away your phone, being fully engaged in conversations, and enjoying quality time together without any distractions.
Give Each Other Space When Needed
There will be times when you need some space from your family, and that’s okay. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a break and go into another room for a little while. This will help you reset and come back feeling more patient and ready to engage. You can even check in with your partner from time to time to make sure they’re not feeling overwhelmed. If they need a break, let them take a step back while you take care of things at home. A partnership is just that—a partnership.
Practice Gratitude
Finally, one of the simplest—but most effective—ways to keep the peace in your home is to practice gratitude. Each day, take a few minutes to think about things you’re grateful for in your life. This could be your family, your home, your health, or anything else that brings you joy. Focusing on the good will help you feel more positive and optimistic, which can go a long way in maintaining a peaceful feeling in your home.
Parenting is hard enough as it is, so don’t put extra pressure on yourself to make everything perfect this holiday season. Just make small, daily changes and work to be consistent in your intentions. By following these tips, you’ll be well on your way to keeping the peace in your home and enjoying a happy holiday season with your family.
Dr Tim Thayne interviews Dr. Timothy Smith, a psychologist and professor of counseling psychology at Brigham Young University. As social beings, we are wired for connectivity. Dr. Smith and Dr. Thayne discuss research-based solutions for parents to deepen connections and change unhealthy patterns inside the family. Learn universal principles that can help you achieve a balance between connection and leadership with your teen.
In this blog post, we delve into an inspiring podcast episode featuring Dr. Tim Thayne and Education specialist , as we explore invaluable insights on how parents can cultivate a profound passion for lifelong learning in their children.
Komorowski has been an education professional for 16 years and specializes in helping parents build their kids’ confidence when it comes to school, which ultimately sets them up for success into adulthood. Kelsey has spent her career as a traditional tutor, a residential tutor for ultra high net-worth families, a student success analyst with the government, and now an advocate for students who struggle in the classroom and need help. She and her team made it a priority to find out the root cause of why students stress and struggle so much, and they have found that if a student doesn’t have the skills to manage and engage in their work, they won’t learn how to achieve their highest potential.
While schooling is only a short part of an individual’s life, learning lasts forever—and experiencing the joy of learning is an important part of life. Aside from that, finding success in academics can encourage students to develop better habits into adulthood. As parents, it’s our responsibility to help our kids develop these five skills to encourage learning in the home environment.
Here are the skills kids need to have and tips on helping develop them:
Critical Thinking
As a parent, you can help your child develop critical thinking skills by encouraging them to ask questions and think about the answers. When reading stories together, stop and ask your child questions about what is happening and why the characters are doing what they are doing. For older children, encourage them to read books that will make them think about different points of view and how to see both sides of an issue. You can also help your child develop critical thinking skills by teaching them how to research and find reliable sources of information.
It’s also important to discuss topics with your children that encourage critical thinking skills. Having stimulating, important discussions with your kids can not only instill the importance of critical thinking, but it can lead to valuable family time you will cherish forever.
You can also encourage your child to come up with solutions to problems they encounter in their daily lives. As they get older, you can challenge them to explain the reasoning behind their opinions and decisions. Helping your child to develop strong critical thinking skills will benefit them throughout their academic career and beyond.
Communication
Parents can help their children develop communication skills by modeling clear and effective communication themselves. When talking with your child, be sure to use words that they will understand and be patient if they need clarification. As your child grows, continue to encourage open communication by asking them about their day, their thoughts on current events, or anything else that is on their mind. In addition, teach your child active listening skills by modeling proper eye contact and body language and repeating back what the other person has said.
It is also important to provide opportunities for your child to practice their communication skills. This can be done through joining a sports team, playing music together, or taking part in drama or other performing arts activities. Helping your child to develop strong communication skills will help them flourish in school as well as adulthood.
Time Management
Parents can help their children develop time management skills by teaching them to make and stick to a schedule. Start with simple things like making a daily list of tasks to be completed and then help your child break down those tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. As your child gets older, you can teach them how to prioritize their tasks and how to use time-saving strategies such as batch cooking or setting a daily routine.
It is also important to provide opportunities for your child to practice time management skills. This can be done by setting a regular bedtime and wake-up time, having them help with meal planning and preparation, or involving them in after-school activities such as clubs or sports. Helping your child develop strong time management skills will help them in their life as well as in school. If your child has struggled or does struggle to keep up with homework or complete tasks, this is an especially important skill that could change their lives.
Executive Functioning
According to an article published by Harvard University, “Executive function and self-regulation skills are the mental processes that enable us to plan, focus attention, remember instructions, and juggle multiple tasks successfully.” Children are bombarded with information and tasks every day, especially at school. As a parent, you can help your kids with their executive functioning by encouraging them to keep a planner, help them organize their thoughts, and practice self-control and discipline.
You can also provide opportunities for your child to practice their executive functioning skills. This can be done by having them help with household chores, such as making their bed or setting the table. As they get older, you can involve them in other activities that require organization and planning. Helping your child develop strong executive functioning skills will benefit them greatly in school as well as in their future career.
Metacognition
Metacognition is the awareness and understanding of one’s own thought processes. It is the ability to think about thinking. Parents can help their children develop metacognitive skills by teaching them how to be aware of their own thoughts and emotions and how they can impact their behavior.
You can also provide opportunities for your child to practice metacognition. This can be done through activities such as journaling, discussing current events, or reading together. This not only helps them regulate their thoughts, but it promotes a level of emotional maturity when they are able to work through their thoughts and feelings.
The bottom line is that it’s important for parents to instill confidence in their children from a young age. When a child is confident in themselves, they will ultimately be able to find greater success in school as well as in life.
